I'm tired of sacrificing myself for you.
I gave up a year and a half for you. I gave up sanity, my self worth... I hit you. I pretended for you.
I am tired of doing that now.
I am done with you expecting things of me.
I let someone do things to me that should have never been done.
For you.
For you,
And you didn't care.
It was always you and him against the world.
Always, how could you trust them and not me,
Always, I'm the lair,
I'm the one who can't sing,
Or draw,
Or do math well,
I can't!
I can't!
Always. Always.
And you, you're perfect.
AP classes with perfect grades,
In theatre,
In debate.
No one can win to you.
You're best at everything but one.
Keeping secrets.
You never even suspected.
Didn't ever ask.
Didn't ever think he would.
How could you not think he did that?
How could you not suspect?
Did you really think I was losing my mind for nothing?
I was losing my mind for you.
He gagged me.
He bound me.
He blindfolded me,
Told me it was consent.
I believed him,
And you didn't do a thing to see if i was alright.
How was I suppose to know it was wrong?
How was I suppose to put my finger on it?
You were on the outside.
You were looking in.
You were blind.

Really? Really?
He wouldn't let me go to Canada for a boy?
He wouldn't get me something?
So i put him in jail for the most hideous of crimes?
How could you think that?
How could you think I would do that?
Did you really think I was that selfish?
I tried to keep him happy for you.
I endured things you couldn't have nightmares to compair to.
Things I won't heal from.
Things that still haunt me.
Things that,
If I let my brain wonder for too long,
Clog up everything.
Things that wake me in the middle of the night,
Or worse,
Never let me sleep.
Because when I close my eyes,
There he is.
Stupid,
Sick,
Selfish
Smile.
Right above me,
Watching my every move.
© Karia FelWell