I felt a stab of jealousy

When I gazed upon your petite frame

As the cold seeped through my veins

I looked up to the heavens with a million questions

Questioning the bane of my existence

With tears in my eyes

As your beauty clouds my vision

Seeing as I'm marred with imperfections

Is it a crime to wish to be better than thou

Maybe it is indeed

To idolize an enigma of perfection

Blind to your flaws and subtle blemish

Looking in the mirror

As my reflection silently berates me for my stupidity.

Too far gone in my own foolishness

Be it worthlessness or low self worth

I couldn't place

But it had eaten deep

Tearing down my defences

Crawling through my skin like poison

An unsettling thought resonates deeply in my mind

Asking me if I'm going to walk this path

And forget what I'm made of

A phenomenal woman with scars

Reminders of what I have become and who I am

Complete in itself

A paragon of beauty with averse command for attention at the heel of my feet .

The nagging critic that chides me silently for my vain comparison

As it calls my tears worthless and wasted on frivolous things.

It seems it says, you forget

When you decided to be defined by the things

You were not...

And quantified in ways you couldn't have been bought

Becoming a faint whisper as the voice gradually disperses

Leaving me in silent regret

To never plead for a thing

That isn't there

Or pray for a curse upon my head

Rather be grateful for what I have left

Or else the Crown that lies on top of my head

Will be given to someone else.....

Ella 2022
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