My half yearly examination's going on ,but I'm busy with my own stuff accompanied with myself. nothing seems right. couldn't gather my thoughts ,mind filled with unlimited questions,doubts n problems .no one can solve them as they're not from books. feeling restless, couldn't study .awake till late nights lying on the bed . several memories coming in my mind . don't know what's going around.dk what's happening to me ,often feeling like I'm living all these moments again ,seems like my soul wana tell me something which I couldn't hear .seems like I've forgotten all my hobbies n lost my skills , couldn't do anything perfectly,right . feeling like I've reached remote from myself.where no one recognise me, I'm helpless,wana scream but no one to listen.unable to express what I feel just wearing a fake mask , couldn't remove . giving a false try to make everyone feel better around , forgetting my true self ,I was lost suddenly a voice came -you're growing girl, echoing in my mind made me believe in false .am searching the same girl who used to say "I'm stressless always", always truly happy with a baby heart . that sparkle of positivity I need to find ,which made me call "spark".I wonder where all that positive stuff disappeared in one night??? Told all this to my all time best friend but surprisingly didn't got any answer, which was something uncommon n depressing for me .I was just lost in my own world endeavour to search myself.then I sat down disappointedly . someone put their hand on my shoulder and warned me to look back and said- u r never alone , forgot? I said -No !! but I'm totally confused n often get stucked in between my mind n heart don't understand what to do , nothing seems right , several questions revolving in my mind dono even one of their answers . unable to recognise right n wrong , unable to express .... n before I could utter any word it disappeared saying all the answers r within u ,u just need to concentrate .And I wake up,I realised it was just a dream n I saw it was 5'o clock in the morning n suddenly I remembered that my grandma says, "u wake up early in the morning around 5 to 6 'o clock by ur own without wanting after having a dream when god wana tell u something "I never believed this but today it became a big delimma for me . idk about this but sometimes it becomes inexpressible for me .Idk y am writing all this nonsense here but feeling better after writing it.

experience on - 27.11.22