you ask where I learned
to master such precise use of words.
it'd be unprofessional of me to
respond with the truth:

I have a mother who
second-guessed and doubted
every decision I made from a
very young age.

as an adult,
I think I can now recognise
this as her attempt at
strengthening my problem-solving
and critical-thinking skills,
but all it did was gaslight me
into genuinely believing
for most of my life
that I was an incompetent human being
incapable of independence.

other than that,
our days depended on her moods,
but how dare I experience moods
too?
she was allowed to be an
emotional creature
but I was not.
I learned very quickly how to
predict and apologise for
any of the possible
hurt feelings that arose from ...