i stood in ivy that i grew,
your fingers coming down my skin.
my heart aches in the colour of your
favourite wine
soaking into the moss
like richness i oozed
when around you.

stood in mirrors that i've built,
nervous-pinching that same skin
and watched all the cracks that ran through it.

my lips are crimson-stinging dry,
growing back fibres that you peeled,
just for me to bite them off again,
like persistent flowers that still live

how long have i been in this drought
to become the very heart of it?

how long have i stayed afloat in doubt
to watch those flowers wither.

loving you was loving
shrieks in parking lots with car
exhausts dripping, and
loving salt rubbed on ulcers,
drawing every drop, and
loving this undying,
aching,
thirst.

then it poured.

the storm shook this house.
the cracks burst down below
and i feared my name
being dropped into the devil's mouth like pomegranate seeds

i grabbed a shard of my flesh
and carved out a hole
and let the roof shillings fall
to my feet,
but why would i care?
i let rain wash down my face
and drip from my hair.

then it poured.

and somehow in that drowning
did i learn
to finally breathe.

deep expansions in the hollow
of my chest,
my hands waved like willow branches
but i stand rooted.
i gurgle slicing water
and land in supple sleep.

then it poured.

and i danced.

with my own hands around me,
flowing through the cracks of my skin,
creeks rejuvenised and full of life,
waking up and seeing that i am

clean.

i hope you're doing well,
i mean it this time,
i hope you too are

clean.


© lilac_of_hope
Inspired by 'Clean' - Taylor Swift
Image from Pinterest.