It's hard to admit when you need help. you been committed to getting high and lying to your family,friends,lovers,and kids..
but most importantly to yourself.
you just have a thought so buried within your mind that you don't need help,you think you can just quit by yourself without having any complications..
sometimes we gotta except the help
even the medications.
your always the topic of conversations
at family gatherings, or little goody good clicks around your home town.
people dont understand how hard ,how fucking hard it is to just put the drug down, it becomes a part of who you are in some sense, its intense but it's TRUE
I would have never thought walking away from something so destructive could be so fucking hard.
iv lost sight of who I am, and who I need to be, I dont even know who I'm capable of being anymore, because iv run myself so far into the addiction lifestyle, this shits not what I want it's never done anything for me except help me cope with my problems, until it also became a problem. being addicted to drugs and alcohol isn't the life I want to live, it's not the life I want for myself or for my kid, it's the devil's way of controlling you, it sucks you in and starts to consume you. then you start to lose your life, completely, you lose everything you've worked so hard for,you lose your life ,sometimes literally. overcoming addiction is hard and it's a constant struggle ,for me I'm addicted to the hustle ,and the high
the fast money,and the fix.
constantly having backup plans to make sure I can fix my ich. but recovery is possible, it works if you work it. ..
it works if you truly want it
forcing a addict to quit is the worst way to get them to stop fucking getting high,because they wont quit until they want to quit. not till they hit rock bottom, it takes alot of strength and self determination to convince yourself you need help, but with losing everything iv worked so hard for and my family, my kid my life, the one guy that iv always wanted to be with, iv decided to go get myself some help, rehab is my only option, so it's what I'm going to do. iv got some changing to do. before I lose my freedom and my son loses his mom.
no more just one more hit from my bong,and I'll be done. no more being high and spun ,no more this is the last time because I'm done. iv lost so much and keep losing people and things,I'm losing my mind and its literally driving me insane. I cant think,I cant breathe I cant convince myself to be completely honest with some people and that's not who I am. I'm not this person that's been living my life. I'm so much more than who iv let myself become.
I'm done. I'm done I'm just done.
so to the ones I hurt throughout my addiction, I'm sorry ..I'm sorry I was so selfish and I'm sorry I let you down.
I'll be back to my loving self one day soon.i cant wait till I'm completely healed and better. I'm sick of feeling sick from the hell i kept myself in
© shaneia Comeaux