when I was young
your side of the family found me
I tried to not talk to you
but the little girl in me
wanted to know the truth

I reluctantly told my aunt to give you my information
you reached out to me
we began talking
with each click of reading an email
it was nice to speak to you
my dad that I never knew
In the back of mind something felt wrong

so I wrote an email asking
"did you do those things to me when I was young?
I need answers to my many burning questions
why did you do those things if you did?"

I asked and waited for a reply
the long emails that you normally write
turned into a phrase
"please forgive me for anything I did to you when you were younger".

when someone apologizes to me
this phrase plays on repeat
it is something that stayed with me
the day I was a teen
reading your apology

I cried myself to sleep
something that only stayed between you and me
I couldn't speak to you anymore
I blocked you on every communication form
I was so heartbroken to know
that my father betrayed my trust as a child

I have a hard time forgiving
maybe it started from the ultimate betrayal
an act a father should never do to their daughter
I don't want to replay the hurt in my head
I want to forgive so I can bloom
maybe it has to start with you...