Never have I ever taken a chance on love,
Cleanse my soul while listening to the cooing of the mourning dove,
I hold a love just waiting to be unlocked from its cage,
Yet what happens when my heart is too afraid and I can’t find the will to turn this page.
Never have I ever allowed myself to feel,
Constantly thinking true love is beyond my reach, frightening and so unreal,
I have thrown away the key to my cage and avoiding all the pain and mental scars,
Never unlocking these protective bars.

Never have I ever thrown caution to the wind,
Jump blinded into love's path and just unconsciously spin,
I am driven to protect my fragile heart and soul,
With frozen veins and my blood icy cold.
Seen too many betrayals and judgements,
I don't want to live with regrets and disappointments.
My heart races, I’m feeling dizzy, about to faint and have to resort to emotional detachment.
I am nauseated by the mere thought of falling in love and commitment.

Never have I ever done things that went against love's grain,
Too timid and afraid of the gut wrenching emotional pain,
Couldn't live if my heart is ripped apart or scored to the core,
I have been told many times if my heart was broken I would not fear it anymore.
But I won't...I just can't open up to anyone,
Terrified of rejection and feeling so high strung,
Overpowered by anxiety, then panic sets in,
I guess I will forever be a caged bird and my philophobia wins.
© Audrey Malcolm

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