They keep telling me to give time a chance,
That time heals all wounds but I look at my mine and they're ever bleeding.

I ask how long does it take for time to heal one since mine are more aged than any of my anniversaries,
They say you just don't want to heal,
And little I laugh, I didn't know time choose to be choosy!
I didn't know time ask for opinions before it could take a spade and fill our holes,
I didn't know I had to stay humble for time to decide I deserve happiness too.

I kept telling you that before judging my healing process you need to verge in too,

Drift little bit back to when I was a nobody,
When I was a size of cocoon inside my mother's womb,
When my heartbeat kicked instead of beating,
When I had started fighting a battle that till today I have never won.

Feel the heaviness of the sand accumulating my shoes polluting my veins,
Will you tell me my size is bigger or smaller,
Will that leave us in the same boat?

Take a mile back and stand by the cliff that nearly swallowed me,
I'll hand in an ultrasound for you to listen to my heartbeat after I've run kilos in the rain just to shed these tears that keep weighing me down.

I've heard that grief is a step in for your body to move forward after you've covered a soul in top loam muddy heaven,

I've heard that crying help your eyes after all the wind of digging in a grave has built a room for it's self in you...

Then there's a phrase about moving on but for me moving on means forgetting about the past but I've been searching for a reset button inside my head my whole life,

I ended subscribing myself to narcotics just to lose my memory, cried to have dementia but doctors told me that's for aged people,
We ended up arguing because my body has adapted to pain like of a woman who has given birth to 12 children , passed menopause, someone in her jubilee years but the doctor looks at me , and say...

_you've just lived two decades_

Maybe little bit of patience will birth my summer, isn't there always light at the end of the tunnel?

© Adelyn Moliepe