there was a girl I knew in highschool who killed herself after we graduated, and I couldnt help but to think of the similarities , she had the same name as me was a twin like me cut like me bled like me cried like me , but when she cried out into the space she was alone at home and walked down the street hooked herself up to a street sign and left herself hanging like Christmas lights in mid July because no one takes them down when someone dies. Then there was a young man just stopped a relationship with his highschool sweet heart and cut his wrists in a bathtub at home.
but the attempts have always hit me harder
being the daughter of a soldier
makes you wonder if dad will be around when your older
but.youre so afraid of that war happening outside you're door
you never think of the one inside of his head
and it was a few deep breaths in a car a week after he attempted
I was told
my siblings hid the drugs
my mom rushed home scared he wouldn't be awake
my heart breaks because I wasn't there, he didn't want to tell me , because I was out there living while he was dying inside
and I couldn't believe it
because the strongest person I ever knew
climbed the stairs in my childhood home
took a handful of pills
and went to bed alone
how he woke up is beyond me
and I've been so angry about it
so betrayed
but those feelings aren't for me
because I should've been there
so he could eat cereal with me on the kitchen floor high out of his mind , and he should've called me to at least say goodbye
my dad didn't die
he didn't kill himself that day
he's doing well now but every
once in a while I check in
make sure he's still doing ok
because that day my soul would've died with his body .
© Emiben3255