Winding up goes the mechanism
a windborne terminal
we'll call it a windmill
but even then it doesn't sound right nor true
in truth though, honestly, I'm too tired to correct myself
please overlook this like you always do
allow my poor grammar to continue
I've only come to shed skin
a serpent in the grass
trying not to be stepped on
hoping my audience will give me a pass
I never really write about this subject
it feels too touchy like a hot sip of coffee
a too cool waterfall
something of a taboo but we're friends here
and I don't mind sharing with you
The question upon your lips
I can hear your hesitation
but I know what you're going to ask
so as I straighten up my back
for this will be a long one
yes, it's female related
but this time, it's not love
I'm not singing lyrics of pine and roses
I'm just disposing and disclosing animal tendencies
since I have nowhere else really to throw away the garbage within me
You see, in my workplace, I'm the youngest guy out of at least 12 maybe 15
the majority being women
Don't worry I won't demean them by calling them eye candy
but they are all in their own right pretty
yet one lives rent free inside my head
no option to pay the light bill
since the light bulb always shines the brightest when she's near
piercing me with her eyes
As society bids masks, the new static fashion
I won't mock it for granting me a shield to hide my smile
though my eyes give it away
and our contact never stays
it's me who breaks first
My eyes follow her posture, her curves unintentionally
I acknowledge her presence way too much like a puppy in love
though I should consider her off limits
a black widow, a praying mantis to eat my head like an eclipse
she's married and happily
with kids my age
She's been nothing but kind to me
a friend, someone to confide in
a pseudo mother figure
yet it still slips into my mind
as I look at her mom jeans from behind
"how beautiful would she look with her hair undone
and clothes removed?"
I know it's scummy
and you might say it's out of character for me
With my head hanging disgracefully
I don't disagree
it's one current aspect of me
I won't accept, it's deplorable
making me one of the boys
what I craved when I was younger
to be one of the guys
now I see it as my demons in disguise
Like the innocent persona i perceive
is a lie
yet to you, my audience
I've bared my soul and flaws
a dim lit flashlight in the dark
hoping you would accept my lowly cause and fall aparts
when I know people like her won't
I know I'm just an imprint in the snow
a replaced cog in a machine
trying to be an important piece
to a chugging engine
even if I'm the third screw from the rear
smirking in my mind when I stare at her rear
cause I'm cursing my bad habits
as she meets my stares
like she can see me checking her out
I don't mean to but my eyes follow where my mind goes
she'll laugh behind her mask and I smile embarassed
trying to keep my heart in my chest
while I mistakenly point my head down
staring at hers
lust takes the wheel sometimes
and though I try to take the reins back
my reign at the helm is limited
another reason why I fill my psyche
with music to drown out
my desires that have grown voices
blocking out their stupid directions
to get me to do actions
that would get me dragged through the mud by rumors
that would get me slapped and attacked
my kind is always the victims of bullseyes when we don't incite the riots
my kind is always the victims of bullseyes
and I'd be in the line of sight
I've built too much to run and hide
go away in exile
so I vote against the Wolf inside
telling me to howl at the cutie at lunch time
I'm not against flirting, small cues and showing some love
being an ear to listen to complaints
a watchful eye to their back
if they need a helping hand
but that sounds creepy
so I try to fall back and recede into myself
turn up the tunes and vibe
yet when I look up, there she is finding her way beside me
oh no did I ghost walk to her direction
oh no did I materialize, turn tangible
inside her orbit
why am I so gullible to think here she sits
wondering what it would feel like, my lips
wondering what it would feel like, my hands on her hips
a hug for an embrace
a kiss upon her neck
Man, stop, keep your sword sheathed
sorry, I got lost in my head
swinging my own neck side to side
to shake the lead
2 days now, I'm trying to remove the glue
trying not to rue the decision to speak my foul soul
trying not to regret putting myself in harm's way
to be judged by a group of strangers
but though God loves me, he's a stranger I've never met
a supernatural parent
trying to get me to learn
get through to me, without teaching me
wanting me to be good
and not succumb to treachery
live beautifully
yet I don't even know his real name
yet I stare at the sun and go blind
yes that's dumb but I was just trying to see his real face
Ok, you see my point, but how does that correlate to this situation
Though we're strangers and you don't know me personally
we're friends, well aren't we
or I'm just presuming something
acting funky and funny
when I've never really introduced myself to you
Well my name is borrowed and every new one I choose
has been taken by another of you
visitors from other worlds I can't see too
but my name in this context is Renn
nice to meet you
I'm not in love but I do lust for a married woman i work with
I'm not happy
I got excuses and a long list
of why I would try and how I started
but the long and short of it
I'm broken hearted, disregarded
so desire chases what I can't have
everything I love rests in the past
as I waste the present wanting what's out of grasp
the future is bleak, there's no app for that
I have it in my head to reveal my cards
show my aces while she shows me queens
so I can witness things unseen
but that's pure fantasy
I'm tired of dreaming and wasting time
Why is it so hard for me to find
a reason for why anyone
would want to keep their hand in mine
I ask, wanting to slip away
If I disappear, what would she...
© Crowthepoet