I am walking with a dagger stuck into my heart.
The pain is intolerable,
I'm bleeding profusely
and my body is working double the time
to make up for the lost blood and energy.
But somehow I'm still alive.

When I try to even touch the dagger,
everyone around me starts yelling
"Don't take out the dagger!
In fact you should take care of the dagger.
That's what's keeping you alive!
Take it out and you will drop dead!
Besides, think about the dagger.
Where will you keep it
if not inside your heart?"

For a long time I believed them too.
I tried to walk slow,
stay safe,
talk low
taking care of the dagger.

Every now and then the dagger moves and shifts,
hurting me more,
but I would be the one ending up feeling guilty;
for I think my heart is not sturdy enough
to keep the dagger in place.

But lately I've been feeling weak.
I'm barely breathing,
I'm hardly surviving.
The dagger kept piercing deep,
to the point I even dared to do the unthinkable
I tried to take out the dagger!

Everyone around me started losing their shit.
Me?
I stopped caring!
I couldn't, even if I wanted to
because I quite literally became heartless.
There's no heart left in me anymore,
only a lump of muscles tattered and torn.

This is either the end of me
or the beginning.
Once the dagger is out of my heart,
I may drop dead and that would be a blessing.
Or I would heal and move on,
which would be a blessing too I guess.

The dagger?
Well I don't know what will happen to the dagger.
There will be pieces of my heart and blood stuck on the dagger,
maybe it will feed off of that.
.
.
@fernweh
© 𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖆

#toxicrelationship #lettinggo #selfcare