Both of you are angry, disappointed, and ashamed of me
Because of where I am, who I am
and what I am, Black Sheep,
of the entire family tree..
I'm your mother...
You know, the one who's blood runs within your veins?
Five years now homeless, a temperamental addict, a complete wreck of a train.
I never hid any of it, and about my faults
I've never lied,
There were times I was a horrible mother, both of you deserved better,
But God Damnit!
there were good times!
(And I really fucking tried!)
Neither of you will speak to me, because of my present and your pasts...
That's not how family is supposed to be family,
I thought I taught you better than that..
My only son, now a grown man said,
not sober, do not contact...
My only daughter, also grown said,
'You're a fucking homeless drug addict"
But here's the real kicker of both your hypocritical demands on my life!
Son, you're addicted to a drug as well -
only once in twenty eight years a job
you've held,
You sit at home, smoking alone your time away...
Daughter, I'm betting nobody knows,
how many times you bought me dope.
If those you act for, knew of this
my shoes on your feet might suddenly fit.
I haven't had any emotional or familial support from either of you..
Now going on two years..
Just to hear your voices, to talk about the weather, laugh about nothing,
But to laugh together.
I wish sometimes, I wasn't who I am
that Id never been your mother, I can't change the back thens!
All the shame and distaine both of you feel about me, was so unexpected as I've always been this way,
(I've always been me.)
I don't know the two strangers my children have become..
What I do know is; time here is not free
The longer this forced separation
To you both, I'll become a nobody, a nothing...
***
I've tried..
I've repeatedly apologized..
Bit my toung..
Started changing me...
***
I refuse to do that,
And now I'm just gonna
give up and get on
I know by the time both of you realize you want or need me,
I'll be long gone,
I love you my children
but now I'll say,
Goodbye son and daughter
Maybe in the next life
it won't be this way 😭







© M.E.Purdy