i don’t want to write this poem
because i’m scared of feeling
feeling the feelings.
feelings of love.
feelings of guilt.
feelings of remorse.
feelings of anger.
feelings that i should have said this
or i should have said that.
feelings that i never should have listened to God.
feelings that you will die,
feelings that i will die.
feelings that ill never speak to you again.

i never wanted to lose you,
and i didn’t want to lose God too,
i didn’t want to lose anything,
it was all a lose lose,
a lose lose because i don’t feel the peace i expected when i chose the LORD over my flesh,
a lose lose because you might hate God forever because of me now,
a lose lose because i still crave love i can’t have,

but i promise i miss you,
i didn’t want to hurt you,
i still want to see you,
i still want to kiss you,
but i can’t have what i want,
i have to choose what i need.

i wish i could say im sorry but you blocked me,
i wish i could block me too,
block my thoughts,
block my feelings,
block my memory of kissing you mixed with saying goodbye
it’s all my fault

i’m sorry,
i’m sorry til the day i die,
everyday i still cry,
i love you forever,
but forever isn’t eternal,
God is eternal,
and my comprehension of forever is until i die,
i love you til i die,
but God loves you when you live and die,
he wants you to live and not die,
that’s all i wanted too,
i just don’t know if i didn’t the right way.
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