Am I a fighter? I don't know. I'm afraid of myself, so why do I hold myself back? I do it because of rejection? No. It's because I'm afraid of losing again. This path is scary. I need to accept myself or I'll stay stuck. I learn fast, but reject it by getting in my own way. I say I need permission to be myself or even happy, but believe I don't deserve it. Why? Is it a lie to myself? Maybe. I am sloppy, unrefined, selfish, taking things for granted, impatient, not healthy, distant, not myself, a second guesser, toxic to myself, blames others, refuses help, over estimating myself, suppressing myself, holding myself back and not seeing my true image. This... this isn't negativity, it's self...