I downloaded an
Addiction app to
Start addressing my
Binge drinking
Last night.

The app itself
Seems great.
The community
Is so positive,
And it gives options
So it's not just expecting
Sudden sobriety.

Even so,
It terrified me.

I had to close the app.

I know it's a step I
NEED
To take,
But I'm still not
READY
To take it.

Tomorrow is the
First day of Term 2.
I'm not ready to
Abandon my Alcoholic Hat
in favour of my Teacher one.

But I must.
And I will.

I've made it a point
To NEVER put my students
At risk
In any way.
Part of that is never
Being under the influence
Of alcohol during a school day.

Ever.

And I'll stick to that.
I wouldn't be able to
Live with myself if I didn't-
Lord knows these kids
Have dealt with enough
In their own lives already.

I'm scared though.
No,
Scratch that.
I'm terrified.
Of the 17 days
We've had for our term holiday,
I spent 2 entirely sober.

And they were my 2
Most difficult nights.
Interrupted sleep.
Fever dreams.
General feelings of unrest
The next morning....
I dread what my
Forced...