in a few hours I'd have aged by one year
i look around and everyone seems to be so happy for me
i don't want to disappoint them
i need to look like life has been kind to me
smile… smile… SMILE
crazy how some are perhaps too happy
i am left to wonder as to why
their exhilaration escapes me
as i stare at this precipice called life

i think i know what is haunting me driving me insane… sane… INSANE
it’s the nostalgia… the innocence lost
it hurts to look back and not go back the sudden realisation of a fast-approaching adulthood saps my courage
it bothers me so

or maybe it’s the imminent and immense feeling that death
always so distant now looms
closer… closer… CLOSER
it’s despair that i feel
and as the clock winds down to midnight
i look around and question the very purpose of my insignificant life
my hands are worthless and i become the cynic - jaded and disillusioned with the few years of my existence

i mock myself
this race i seem to run futilely is unending
the path is longer than yesterday
the goalpost a little further away
dreams fading back to the void they are born from
nothing is left but bittersweet memories and crippling fear of having accomplished nothing

there are unsurmountable mountains looming and my mind is dwarfed
surely this nightmare called life has an ending
is there no reprieve and relief

and as i trudge along bound by the horror of living
i am condemned by the gods to roll my boulder up the hills
i defy these absurd figments of my fevered imagination and push
forward… forward… FORWARD

this universe offers nothing but chaos and a desultory path
it is for the living to make something of it
to create webs of unreal realities
and live a free but unfree life

© solum_orbis