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Longing for Understanding

Some things are better left unsaid, un-understood,
The unspoken disdain
From those who know you less,
The rivalry and animosity
From friends you hold so dear.

How can I explain it?
I want her to do well,
Yet hate when she outshines me.
I wallow in self-pity,
Feeling anguish and sorrow.

Still, I conceal it,
Pretending to be happy for her.
I swallow my pain
And dry tears with pretense.
I yearn to fathom myself.
© Tobie 💙