and i want to say you feel it too-
what's between me and you.
i want to be reckless and say how hopelessly in love i am with you.

i want to know this could be real-
what i have with you.
but then the sun rises and my dreams melt with the rays that glint on morning dew.

you carve my heart out in my chest and i willingly bleed for you.

i've thought it many times-
and i'll think it again,
but i'd let you ruin me.
let you walk all over me.
let you string me out for limited stretches of mind blowing passion 

(on my part, only in my heart)

only for you to shoot me down like a heartless hunter picking a dove for prey.

(inevitably, eventually-
because you'll figure out you don't love me the same)

part of me knows i'm everything you're looking for,
just maybe not in the form you'd wish.

but i'm here.
i wish you'd see me.
but i'm all amiss.

i have yet to fling this useless love into the abyss.

i just don't know what to do with it.
but when i do throw my hands out into the air,
(my heart clenched in a fist,)
and possess not a care,

it'll land next to all the love in the world i never properly pursued.

(there's not much.)

it'll hit the ground next to the childish boy with the smiling chocolate eyes who i'd thought was an angel,

(but was a coward in disguise)

thud next to the pink hearted girl with the poofy brown hair and lionheart

who asked me on a date too early,

land next to the tall, deep skinned star studded boy with an aura i could not ignore,

(whom i wish i could've almost forgotten you for)

startle the girl i had little interest in,

but told that i was over you,

jump the silver tongued boy who i'd let go in harsh radio silence, 
who called me captivating,
but lived a couple countries over,

(so what would he know? you would.)

and there i go again.

with you.

my mind circling back,
something like a whispering broken record player,

because i never shout my love to you.

but why do i always do this?
go back to you?

somewhere deep down i know it's because im wishing on you.

my dying star.
you keep my heart ajar.
pouring open for the love you cannot receive.
pouring open like a love you cannot perceive.

yet still i stood proud.
to have you as my first full fledged heartbreak,
my first mountainous love.

i said you killed like a hunter,
but to me you're still the dove.

you're still my half love. 
my half love. 
my beautiful dove.

no one else could ever compare. 
even as i just broke up with the girl who left my heart impaired.

© ilifluous