They say hearts grow cold when they get disconnected from source. I think mine is broken like a home where love don't lie anymore. My heart and mind in a constant battle all the time like they are going through a divorce. Sometimes it hurts so bad that every inch of my being wants to release it by screaming, but when I open my mouth not even the slightest of sounds dared to come out, as if it were the code of morse. Sending out a S.O.S, the pain literally takes every breath from my chest, stomach and tongue both tied in knots, hiding in this masquerade just trying to save a little face, looking for the exit signs just incase I need to escape, that is the point when I know there is absolutely no more I can take, and it can not be ignored. Stress retention causing my body to lock up with tension, kamikaze pilot in a airplane falling from the sky descending my condition into remission, nothing I can do but let it work it's way on through like a virus running out it's course. A silent cry, ocean eyes, head under water trying to roll the tide as I travel seven seas, fighting disfictiation from these suffocating speculations, and when I start to get in too deep, I keep my life boat with safety cord on board just in case I cant help myself I can always outsource. I Wont back down when I'm stuck against the wall, I gotta keep it moving forward because only I can finish my tour. Never taking heed to the words that I read on those caution signs before I pulled the anchor sailing away from ashore. No spectacles will be needed for what hides in plain sight, truth from tales, aligations from alibise, is it or is it not valuable information you receive from the vail on the otherside of the doors? It can be overwhelming, but all in all just another brick in the wall that has built up to frustration, placing stipulations on a sticky a situation, my thoughts getting carried away and are now capable of anything because it has now become it's own force. A slap to my face how rudely it would awake me as I would realize, I was the one responsible for my fate I had created, I was the one that conjured the outcomes with yesterday's old way of thinking, that followed me into today's existence, A butterfly cause and effect which was induced by my own fears and trauma from past years as inflicted, I have battle scars in my soul, and tear drops on my cheek that are weighing me down and make me feel weak, oh how quickly this all spun outta control, furiously fast from 0-60 in 2.2 seconds like a 919 hybrid Porsche. Couldn't even tell you how it all happened if I tried, It must have been in a blink of my eye, looking back at it now i can see it was karma that reached out to save me, before turning full circle just to bite me right in the ass without any remorse. Smoke and mirrors a magic show of sorts, illusions that brought me to false conclusions. What had taken me so much time to figure out and define, was now in the clouds of doubt, old views thrown out, belief systems broken down and set ablaze, while I sat on end for days overwhelmed by confusion. It was a London bridge type of fire, before it was rebuilt to be even stronger, way back in the gap before it was filled it in with brick and mortar, together we set up for the infusion. Mario brothers time to level up, see you at the reunion. Changed my state of mind to that of scholar. Peace I was trying to find in the still of the night as I listen to the quiet, in my head I had to stop the riot, get my gears out of overdrive, and still never hitting my brakes as I came sliding into the home the plate, to lose Is something I can't comprehend because in my vocabulary it all about the win, anything before that day I just wrote it off to the game, and you cant overthrow me due to a technicality. I know now that my destination has been pre-programmed into my destiny. So all I must do is listen for that voice of reason because I hold the answer key, it's that first initial feeling that holds true originality.. Now contemplating on how to bring my dreams to a vision and my visions to reality. Manifestation of mentality, A dynamic duality, with a spiritually mended morality that would help me transend into immortality.
© Jessica Rae Johnson