Heads hurtin' with all this clutter,
bones achin' for more,
a constant mutter.
Agitated, mixed in with irritable,
everything and everyone makes me uncomfortable.

A confused expression with no clarity,
depressed & full of negativity.
Shameful of what I've done,
embarrassed, can't let go,
just point the gun.

No hope & only doubt,
isolated from humanity is in route.
Angry at the world & how cruel it can be,
hateful for who i have become,
What's wrong with me?

Rather sit in this sorrow of self pity,
deceitful, no trust, your so damn gritty.
Below ground zero all that is, isn't Me
How can this be?

Always waiting, always watching, to see if I fall,
like this paranoia, I can't win them all.
Convinced there isn't a choice,
no other way to live,
where Is my voice?

Delusional fantasy land with you I am,
always living in two worlds, such a scam.
Obsessed, can't stop the thoughts that spew,
sacrificed every last thing I could for you.

Jobs of many gone.
Material items pawned.
Self respect ready to delete.
Family ties in defeat.
Friendship's held dear left in the dark,
a shattered heart,
spirit ripped to shreds,
brain dead.

Once a knight in shining armor no doubt,
The misery I could never live with out.
My own personal hell.
My mind trapped in a cell.
You always wanted more.
Eating away to the core.
The battle within is the hardest war.
Someone opened a door.
A light shone in so dim.
Behind me is a past full of grim.
My choices are very slim,
What do I have to lose on a whim?

© REDS