Shaking with doubt
a war in myself
struggling to get my fingers to move
everytime I open this page
I either have to get back to work
or hurry up and try to sleep
excuses are all I have because
I don't want to engulf you with negativity
or maybe it's just the laziness over taking me
or maybe it's because even after starting to write the A sides
it's not all sunshine and rainbows
but it's stopped storming so hard
in my brain
it's stopped raining even with the gray clouds present
and I suppose I want to keep the pace
stalling because while this has been on mind
expressing this feels like a step backward
or maybe I'm just scared of how I'll be perceived
even though you're faceless
your opinions mean so much more than you could ever realize
I've stalled enough and I won't get anywhere halting my breath
with maybes and regrets
so let's tear open these old scars
I've got some black blood to bleed
remove the tar and negativity from my veins
Not necessarily today
I feel the need to self depricate
attack how I act
how I think
so maybe I can reform
a form of self criticism to iron out the kinks in my system
I'm aware my own social skills lack finesse
awkwardness is my middle name
Renn Awkwardness Sypher
it feels...