I've always held back
Smiled through every conversation
Said that I'm fine
Yet finding excuses for any occasion

Sometimes I'd be there
Because I felt good enough to come along
Feeling joyful and content
Without any sign that anything could be wrong

But mostly I didn't
I just closed up... having something else to do
Ending up on my own
And never daring to admit that the reason wasn't true

I've always held back
Laughing when I'd rather cry a river
Telling a stupid lie
Because I was convinced that I had to be a giver

Sometimes I took
But it felt greedy and like being in a dept
So I rarely asked for anything
Because that was something I just couldn't accept

But it's been hard
Feeling like a burden... when daring to share my mind
Even if I knew that I wasn't
And that's a feeling that I still haven't learned to leave behind...

© BellaWritingHere