I am no Saint

I lie to others
To protect myself, my feelings
I lie to myself
To shroud my soft pride
Stop it from breaking

And very often
I hide my true intentions
And my thoughts, feelings
Is this fear? Or is this deceit

I am kind to others
And for that I merit
But I am unkind to myself
Harsh, grating, unrelenting

How could I call myself a saint
When I treat a soul as such?
Maybe I don't value all life
If I treat my own like this

Even if I shower others
With Christ's compassion
Yet leave myself petrified,
Dried, starving

Then I am not true Love
But some strange form of masochism
A sacrificing state of self pity

Show me the true path of Love
And may light touch
The depths of our spirit

© Lavinder