Sometimes I wish
I was a free bird
With the ability to fly up high above the mountains
Go deep down the valleys
With no worries, no predators, no hurt and no pain
Just me, free
Free from the voice inside my head that kept screaming without end
Free from humanity who find pleasure in hurting, causing division and damage to a fellow neighbor while telling “Its life, just smile”
I can’t be a free bird because I’m human and limited to being what I really wanna be
but at least I found a way to deal with it… at times, at least i found a way to cope, even thou I don’t always succeed but..
At least I found a way to shut down the voices and subdue my demons when all they wana do is play and believe sometimes I enjoy playing with them but it’s too much, too much that I feel like I’m drowning deep in the water
With my hand sticking out, seeking for a savior as the water fills me up and there is non….
Sadly, there was non…. No one to pull me out of the brim and I could do was wrestle my way out for some ray of hope
And then I found comfort, I found quietness, I found a safe place where nothing else matters just me, no thoughts….. my body so numb that even if you pinch me I won’t feel a thing for there is a war within me between self love and just self acceptance
I remember looking at the girl in the mirror, she was beautiful, pure, loving…. too loving, kind, sensitive…. too sensitive and fragile that I will break if not handled well
Yes, she would break
Too fast and too quick
Thousands of pieces shattered on the ground
But who would be so willing, who would be kind enough
Who would offer me a hand and come to my aid by gathering up the broken pieces on the ground and just try to mend them maybe then…. Just then I’ll be able to survive in a world full of wickedness and hatred, so much hate and so much pain that it’s unbearable for me and I wish sometimes I could we just rest
Just rest….
Mostly, I wish I was a sunflower
Unique, beautiful and enough to brighten up anyone’s day
With its bright yellow petals of happiness and joy enough to bring some instant smile to all those looking at it
I wish I was a sunflower
Maybe then I won’t want to disappear to the world unknown



©Nash.the_poet