I try my best to hide,
but I'm able to no more,
why am I into you,
I find no answer
I know I can't choose
you, for it's against the rules,
in every possible way,
this cycle again, this time
it's different, what is
that element, can't
pinpoint it right, why
am I so sad within,
this overwhelming,
from the depths within,
I try to hide invain,
I lied to self, which
hurt even more,
can't do this, no,
can't take this anymore,
I don't know what
to do anymore now,
how to hide these
overflowing feelings
seeping out unknowingly,
I tried too hard, I know,
I now just let 'em flow,
I can't leave my path now,
you might end up hurt,
this thought hurts more,
so I choose to lie
I can take no more,
I get depressed, pulling
in my feelings and thoughts,
trying to act normal,
as if nothing's strange,
can I handle this?
my messed up feelings
on one side, while the
social acceptance on
the other side, also
to individuate
is my priority,
don't know how long it
takes to set in though?
my insecurities,
setting in now, like
vultures over the dead,
fears holding my growth,
I suffocate, I cry
with no tears, feeling numb,
" No! Not now! " cries my
other inner half,
How to navigate
through my feelings now
with the long time war
that's been going on
inside my mind that's
torn apart into
multiple factions
like never seen before
It's exhausting, the sorrow
that engulfs the whole,
my inner Kingdom,
left in despair, broken,
misery, don't know how to,
work all these out!






© Ankur