You don't see it while you're in it.
You probably don't see it when they leave.
It's sick and twisted how well they hide it.
The way it changes you from strong and confident,
to meek and totally reliant.

The relationship starts seemingly perfect, too perfect.
Until you're fully conditioned to need their false validation.
Before you never needed it, now dependent on external validation.

This is when the verbal abuse and belittling starts.
Psychological conditioning to believe you're always wrong.
That despite the the excessive praise only weeks before,
Now you're worthless unless it's them you adore.

They plan it carefully and move subtlety.
They start off perfect to perfect, the persona crafted just for you.
It's just a mask that falls when it's too late to leave without withdrawals.

The abuser becomes a drug,
a drug worse than heroin or even meth.
They break you down to the point you want to leave.
Then return the mask that makes you so high like in the beginning.
This is how they keep you addicted to them.

The worst part is actually the long term conditioning.
Because they only return the high when your lashing out and leaving.
You become trained to only be able to accept love when your the one doing the abusing.
They do this because it garuntees no one will want you long after their leaving.
Because they get high from knowing your stuck always hoping they will be returning.

I know it's hard but you can recover.
For every month you were together.
will take a year to get better.
Even longer without a good counselor.
I know because I am still recovering.
© Tinka H Cain