Every day passes by like the wind on a stormy day.

But the feeling of waiting for tomorrow to come is like being stuck in a tornado.

Swirling with emotions of sadness, hardships, loss and feelings of despair.

As the days go by one by one, the less time I have to be with you.

We are both in extremely difficult times in our lives and my wish is just to be by your side and you side by side with me.

Together.

Physically intertwined.

All of who you are and all that's within me, the twin flame connection.

The blessing given to us by God and the universe to be the loves of each other's lives given for us to share with each other.

I couldn't love anyone more than I loved you before or never again.

Reading that you're over me makes breathing nearly impossible.

My chest becomes tight from the deepest, physical and emotional cry like I've ever only felt once before; desperatly missing my children.

It's hitting me with such a powerful impact.

Unbearably and shockingly knocking the wind out of me.

It's giving me a panic attack.

I'm in deep, deep despair.

I've always loved how you take my breath away.

But these words you're saying are suffocating me.

I'd rather never breathe again.

I want to pass out and never wake up.

I'm so empty.

I'm lost for words.

Unable to express the depth of my love for you and how you're taking away my hopes,dreams and love of my life right from underneath me.

Is the way of swiping me off my feet one more time?

Tears are on overload.

I have nothing to live for without you or my 5 children.

My heart is shattered so badly the pieces are far too plenty and tiny to put back together without the magic of your loyal, loving and protective hands.

Securing the pieces with perfect trust, honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, monogamy, un-hurtful and healing vibes.

There is no mending that can be done for the reason of not hearing the words I just read screaming, over and over again in my mind.

It's making me want to bury myself alive.

Suffer.

Suffer so terribly because I undoubtedly caused you hatred for me.

You truly believe I'm so unsupportive of you that I've had to endure this attack of heart felt agony.

Again.

This is my punishment for not being a good enough wife.

You express that I've given you many reasons to prove your desicion of securing our fate as being non-existent in both of our lives.

You don't trust me when I say I believe in you.

And you think that I'm not behind you to my fullest extent.

I'm not good enough.

I never was.

I give to you always, when I can and even when Im really unable.

That's not fair of you.

You've proven this time and time again.

Thru all the struggles, crisis, physical ailments, progressive stages of parkinson's, chronic pain, current crisis, financial burdens, loss of housing, still facing homelessness, neglect of care, all the time and effort I give to be in full compliance of every responsibility I have at hand.

I have lack of communication with the kids and not seeing theirs or your face, amongst near future tragic charges against me, makes me want to regergitate from the nausea my anxiety gives me .

Are you seriously giving me 'another reason' to not want to live?

You truly aren't attracted to me anymore?

You can't look in my eyes and not feel love for me anymore?

You're completely done with me?
What did I do to deserve any of this?

I've been nothing but there for you in the best ways I can be.

I apologise that I can't visit because I'm handicap and it would be an embarrassing moment for you.

I would've been on the list as soon as you learned visiting hours and lists were opened back up.

It's been months.

Unless there's 'another reason'.

Pushing me away shows a lot.

You don't want to see me at all.

And more.

I never meant to intentionally hurt you so horrifically that you've come to the conclusion to re-direct the paths we were destined to follow.

Coexisting.

You're ending you and me?

Together, physically intertwined.

All of who you are and all that's within me, the twin flame connection.

Our love life is being severed by this choice you've chosen to make.

Who has given you the wisdom and spiritual guidance to separate our paths?

Written by:

Amy Jo Koontz

© Amy Jo Koontz