with mediocrity, i will attempt to name these poems as best as i can.

i am not the girl i was
two years ago
and i realize that painfully.
im the woman falling for the
same man,
but i have grown.

im a lot more comfortable with
how i view myself,
solitude
and the art of being alone,
but the violence of isolation
ive come to enjoy my art,
and ive realized i am bigger
than the wars ive fought
on my hands and knees.

i quit smoking which id realized
i had been doing since 14.
five years.
ive turned a bad habit into coffee
and ive stayed productive to
cool the sweats
and soothe the random shivers.

but i stand
with a microphone in my hand,
talking over an audience
with a voice im bringing to the world.
i speak about my life with understanding
as i let the universe hear my stories.
the girl on stage seeks compassion,
forgiveness,
and answers.

i speak softly
as i talk about my younger self
with admiration.
she does not know publishing poems
and she is used to being the reader,
not the writer.

she became the broken roses
she used to pick from moms garden
she was gorgeous yet
absolutely guarded.
thorns to keep people out,
but a colorful appeal,
as she could be whatever color
people wanted
and has even made a pricked finger
smile

the girl on stage hangs her head low,
thinking about what comes after.
she is hanging on for her family
yet feeling trapped
because she was not made to stand still.
she is free spirited, wild, adventurous.
she is suffocating
because she is afraid of failing.

im still the girl that thinks
the love of my life can
live next door
and we show signs every night
as i fall in love with the person
behind the notes.
my hopeless romance has shown
that id look for snow in a desert
if it meant finding the person
id spend forever with

i will go back to people until i find hate,
believing i cant close chapters yet.
believing sadness is not enough,
i need to regret our relationship.

i think i recognize
the girl in the photos a little more.
if i saw her again,
id almost tell her about the horrors
of growing up.

she will not be ready for a while.

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