my first core memory of being shamed -
right at my grandma & titi’s own
dining room table, mom’s sister,
sat across from me and right after
we prayed - i spoke of my first sacrament:
holy confession, in second or first grade

noseying around in everyone’s business -
a typical mindless behavior..
seemed a little manipulative though,
for her to nosey around and ask me -
what the sins where,
let alone how how many
prayers were to be said for..
“that bad, huh?” asked with
a mouth full - so, duh…

born was a people pleaser -
a version of me who made up
ignoramus actions, ‘supposed to’
be my sins - to fulfill her hate for my mom,
or anyone else’s toxic urge to be reactive -

this was my coping mechanism -
in order to be around the minds who
hate their own lack of soul,
the people who cope by deflecting -
throwing stones from egos that consist
of fragile soap and water made bubbles,
inflated by the condoning from
manipulative stained like-minded others

those people are simply creating
a life of smoke and mirrors,
designed to keep those from revealing
that self-resentment - forever running,
stealing, and hiding -
looking and listening over their shoulder,
in case if someone notices that
under the covers - they’re really hiding.

© a.Soul
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#shame #deflect #christian #family