Today I was too tired to pull out my "happy" mask
and my friend asked me are you ok? you look tired,
I am not sure how to tell her that yes I am tired but it is not that kind of tired that you know and feel, I am drained
emotionally and physically
there are days where I just want
to stay in bed
but the sun is determined to get me up
blinding my eyes as if to remind me that its a new day and I must live.
and there are days I feel so sad that killing myself is the only option
my mind buzzies with
all kind of options I could use,
I almost thought of hanging myself but just didn't want
my family seeing my
floating body held up by a rope,
I thought of cutting my wrists too
but I don't want a mess
so the option was overdosing but
for some
reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.
So I just let my tears fall wondering when will I die.


© Mbali P Nyabane