Miserable to start the week
no need to sugarcoat
or seek out weak words to describe
how I feel
beat around the bush with a stick
like a monkey trying to play the drums
when I can say it as powerful as a lion's roar:
what I feared, what I dread
being jobless and blaming yourself for someone's death
while the people around you
keep asking for your time, your breath
wanting to know your next step
when you want answers to the questions
the ripples that you once created with stones
left no answers
like death, just an empty space where matter once echoed
Nothing will ever come close to that pain
it's still number one in my brain
but this is number two
or at least in the top five
How cruel can life be
me, you already know my struggles with sleep
now I just stay awake till 2 am with ease
no matter how much I'm willing to tire myself out
no matter how long I lay on the blank slate
covered in fleece with my head cocked sideways
seeing if I can hear the walls talk
refusing to slumber until my eyelids get heavy
and memory gets hazy
What makes today any different
the long standing mission for me
you know my goals, my dreams
to find peace and happiness
to break free of this crippling sadness and self hate...