Dear mother

I was five when you told me horrendous tales about forks and flames.....
My brain was infantile when you made me cram Bible names....
My windpipe was stenotic yet you shoved your beliefs down my throat....
You were too blinded to see that I was choking
You caused me too much trauma
I still get nightmares of the man with a head resemblant to that one of a goat...

Don't get me wrong, I believe in Hell and Heaven...
I'm a monotheist, you taught me about monotheism when I was seven...
But you're a bad teacher....
Instead of portraying God as palsy-walsy, you painted Him as a monstrous creature....
Sometimes I sit and ponder if indeed i revere the Lord or it's just fear.
Who wouldn't be terrified of being sent to inferno for being human?

Mommy you were too devoted to the church.
Too obsessed with turning me into a choir girl.
You forgot that I was human and had needs..
All I needed was to be a kid, a normal kid..
But you bombarded me with the Word
Had me surrounded by womanizers
Womanizers in shiny suits posing as sermonizers
Some were pedophiles

What would you say if I told you that I was molested by our preacher man?
Why is it even a question?
I was molested by our preacher man!
Didn't tell you because I knew that the man of God raping a minor would've sounded absurd.
You were definitely not gonna believe me.
You were gonna remind me that lying is a sin.

Today I'm nineteen
Battling with Depression and PTSD.
Honestly,this was supposed to be a suicidal letter...
But I've turned to cancer sticks and booze, they make my psyche much better...
Instead of being concerned,
You're telling me about evil spirits and possessions
Wanna take me to church, but I won't consent
You wanna take me to church, to our preacher man, my raper, for exorcism

I don't blame you though
You just happen to love God with your all
But next time when you teach someone about the Creator of all,
Paint Him as amiable and mighty
So that people can respect Him for the King that He is.

Yours,
Bethuel

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