I told myself it was improvement but it was denial. The truth I speak to others is undeniable but the lies I've told myself are the only thing I believe hence why its denial and not improvement. I could stand on a platform advocating for mental health awareness, sexuality, confidence, religion, faith , trust . When I step off that platform and look inward on my life I dont even know where to begin. I shout seek help and no shame in fighting the monster in your head when I can't even tell my own mom that I've called in 6 times this year to work because I couldn't get out bed. I cant not tell her that depression is my bestfriend. I cant allow her to read my poetry because sucide is a common trend. I have used my sexuality to get what i want and to hide the pain of everyday. I've smiled and flirted my way I to things and acted ignorant to all of it. I have more confidence than most because I have been called every name in the book. Religion and faith are not the same thing. I have faith in God but I do not need a church to feel him. Let's all just laugh out the subject of trust because from where I am standing unless it's an animal I do not trust it . Be weary of all is kinda my anthem. Self improvement nah self denial more like it.
©kottak