I didn't want that to happen to me.

The experience has more than shaped me into what you see today.
All I long to hear is please "don't leave, stay".
"With me you'll find a way."
"I won't hurt you,"
"harm you,"
"or make you afraid."
"I will stay by your side even when you're screaming to go away."
"I will listen intently and only talk to you gently."
"I won't stick around and listen to you cry,
without holding you until your tears cease."
"Your secrets I will always keep."
"I understand what consent is
if/when you fall asleep."

I think If he loved me he would be able to quiet the insecurities.
he would help me with whatever.
cuz he knows no one can do it better.
I want to hear "it's okay," (when i fail)
"Cuz tomorrows another day."
He would know when to provide:
not humiliate me in public,
then shame me because I hide.

I wish you were the man for me so badly,
I told you lies and now my reciprocated love is MIA
Im just a Nobody to you,
no more tries,
rupture and repair it's important,
Yet you got me locked up,
Behind bars,
in your mind.
NO VISITORS, of any kind.
I want to hit the button and Rewind,
WAY back to you when you gave a crap
and would hold me tightly
through a fit;
Of rage.
Of impulse.
Of desperation.
Which of these will be the battle today?
I'm alone cuz everyone's gone away
bridges are burning @ a rapid rate;
It triggers fear.
Anyone can read it loudly on my face.
I can't handle the pressure,
Must give up this Marathon.
Besides there's no man left to remind me of the fact that all will be okay.

I'm not okay

not even a little bit.
My self-esteem has taken an obvious dive.

Leaves me no more room to try to thrive.
It went out the window when you said goodbye.
You taught me how to survive:
Without your hand, or
by my side.
Without your support to encourage the best,
I prove you right,
just like you guessed.
© Lizdashi$