Her childhood life
was different from
other people, no matter
she was diagnosed with
Libra-related condition,
she wasn't soft-hearted.
From her experience as a child
she used to be hard-hearted,
grew up in a Chinese-Asian family
in her childhood days,
she had been silent all her life.
No one knew she had certain
extroverted and some neurotypical traits
within her,
she didn't have any sensitivity, or
negativity within her.
She used to not have any meltdowns
or break down out of the public,
she behaved normally like other people
from the influence of older people in her life,
neurotypical masking was all she knew
she has been a graceful and a good girl all her life.
As she started her elementary school
she didn't expect anyone to accept her,
treated her well and equally as everybody else
from there she had two best friends
they didn't stay long due to their parent's separation,
or find their boyfriend after the summer field trip ended, and secretly move away without saying goodbye.
She didn't have much experience in,
Rose Hill Junior High School due to
her academic skills weren't
exactly just like typical people have
instead, she used to recommend
to the same Redmond Middle School
and the same divergent program
as her autistic ex-boyfriend went before
instead, she just transferred to non-discriminated
education called “ Highland Middle School”,
she still does not expect to be accepted by them being treated well and equally as everybody else,
when she started her neck surgery.
She didn't know how kind and nice
they truly were to her,
when they sent her get-well cards
given her colorful childish balloons,
two years later
soon she graduated from middle school.
After her family moved out from
their old house from Kirkland,
into a new foreign island
she didn't expect to be this busy
for the next four years in high school,
as she starts to be extremely busy
with a lot of volunteering jobs.
In between classes and after school
attended so many choir activities
and all school events, from traveling
with choir classmates to be a gardener in the cemetery.
She didn't know how to be herself
she used to have anxiety and insomnia,
to the point where she didn't recognize
how trapped she was,
she didn't mean to hurt her high school crush
she just didn't know who she was.
No one knew she once was exactly just like them
but, she was shattered so much,
she stays in her dark days,
let it swallow her whole
when she turned twenty-one.
She starts to be happy and free,
was when she started her new life
as a college student,
from the Winter Quarter in 2017.
She took the bus on her own,
went to four classes, went to
language class every Saturday
mostly, she spends her time
with new people.
She didn't expect anyone
being romantically interested in her,
there was a young introverted gentleman
secretly has a massive crush on her,
but, she didn't know how to express
to him about her past life
she was terrified of,
making the same mistake
Like how she did with her
high school crush.
Didn't know what to do,
she has a strong craving for
friendship and romantic relationships
but, at the same time afraid of being in it.
She didn't know what to do,
instead, her introverted boyfriend
make it worse by complaining
about everything she did to him,
and how she made him feel.
Without having empathy or
understand her side of the story,
he makes her life a new hell every time
and from last summer of 2020,
he broke up with her and moved away
into a new life away from her.
His complaining about her
did affect her to drop out
After four years of college,
she didn't know how to express
how is she feeling by words,
instead, she behaved in certain ways
to express what she feels.
and to the point where,
he blocked her from his Instagram,
but, her past life and influence by
older people shaped who she is.
There is nothing she can't do,
that is not her fault and she
shouldn't be blamed for it,
people who affected her
make her who she is.

-Laura So

© LauraGemini