I seem to have lost the ability to explain things on my mind, verbalising a thought seems so difficult.
Maybe I forgot myself, dissociated.
Afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of being too much,too little,afraid who's gonna see the parts of me i hide,
afraid of being labelled,
afraid not being so "poetic",
afraid that someone will know, I'm not so special or unique after all and same as everyone.
there are so many more reasons why?
It definitely wasn't difficult when i was a kid, i knew what i wanted.
I just want to keep writing and keep scribbling with out thinking about what I actually mean to say because may be then i'll someday start to understand myself and know what i want to say.
maybe someday I'll find words more naturally.
that day I won't have to think so much, fear so much, cut myself or filter myself.
© Anjum