Dedicated to: My loving boyfriend of a year


Loving you has made me afraid.

Afraid to lose,
Afraid to feel,
Afraid to touch,
Afraid to hold,
Afraid to care,
Afraid to fall.

You alone are my biggest fear...
Losing you is my biggest nightmare.

I never knew what love was--
what it felt like--
how it grieved--
why it grew--
where it was found--
not until You.

Love at first sight was not Us, not at all.
Never were you my type.
Never did I ever want you.
Never in my dreams did you appear.
Never daydreaming about you did I ever.
Never was there an Us. Never.

You pursued me-- intrigued me-- wanted me.
All new to me, all genuine to me.
You never thought you'd have me, but now that I'm yours... do you still crave me the same?

I desired your attention, your affection,
and after awhile, I wanted you to myself but I didn't want you.
I wanted a friend obsessed with me,
came to find that was never you either.
I found you to be pure and your pure heart called after me alone.
I listened to your call,
eventually your siren dragging me under...
into the depths of your deep dark sea.

Should I have listened?
Should I have run?
No. I don't think I should've done anything different.

You alone opened my curious but shy heart, scared to be crushed after being used.
You held it so gently in your soft hands,
even though you've torn it many times,
I still trust your hands to keep it safe.
You showed me how to love--
how to accept love--
let it into my world--
hold on to it as it's the most precious in the universe to me.

In all the dark times,
the heartbreaking,
the death-staring,
the uncertain,
the hopeless times. . .
You, my love, make it all worth while.


Loving You Alone: I've loved, I've lost, but it never shut me down, or how would I have met you, the love of my life and cherished of my heart. I love you yesterday, today, tomorrow.

-- Lauren Rideout
© #outriderlauren