I don't remember everything I ate when I was two.
I only remember people that left before I grew.

I don't remember all the bad things people said to me.
But I remember people and the things that left before I learn to crawl with my knees.

I don't remember how many strokes of the cane I was given
But I do remember scars where they are hidden.

I may forget people when they move away
But I'm not good at forgetting what they did say.

I'm trying to forget the beatings and the pain
But it seems my heart is still holding onto the blame.

A lot of people notice that my peace have been robbed from me
It's very obvious even when i'm asleep.

When I do sleep with a problem in mind
I talk about it while sleeping even when my heart is blind.

I don't talk about what's wrong with me to a lot of people
Maybe it's because it doesn't seem peaceful.

I know I've grown past holding faults and pain, and grudges in my heart
But what can I actually do when my heart refuses to believe that.

Some days I'm peaceful at heart
Some days I just tell about faults that happened in the past.

Today I'm happy, tomorrow I'm not
Next week I'm crazy and the next, well, feel like everything's my fault.

I want to let go of the wrongs
But my heart replays it in form of songs!

When it comes, I try to rip
But my heart holds it in its tight grip.

Can I really grow without my heart?
Give me a hint, and I'd act smart.

We grew, didn't we?
I will ask.
Because I still feel like a toddler at heart!

© Nancy Nzebuka