Anything that has mass and
Takes up space
Is defined in science as 'matter'.
If something takes up space,
It is matter.
Thus,
The more space something takes up,
The more it matters.

As a child through teen,
I was praised by others
Outside my inner circle
For being 'thin.'
My genes demanded
That I be underweight,
That I be a mere wisp of a human.

I've worked hard for years now
To achieve a stable weight
In the 'healthy' weight range -
I've experienced for the first time:
Cellulite, muffin tops, chafing,
And the gradual disappearance of
My visible skeleton under a
Layer of healthy fat.
I celebrate these achievements
With all the self-love
I denied myself for years,
Because I didn't think I took up enough
Space to matter.

I was perceived as a 'fragile' thing;
I'll never forget being 14 and
Having my English teacher tell me
How glad she was that
I hadn't just fallen down,
Because she was afraid
She'd snap my arm
If she'd had to pull me up
From the ground.
Snapped like a twig.
Like a thin, brittle, piece of wood.

'Twig';
The 'friendly nickname'
Given to me by
People I considered friends
At the time.
Every greeting was an
Unfriendly reminder of
Others' perception of my entire being.

For all the times someone
Told me to
'be careful not to
Blow away in the wind'
on a gusty day;
For every unsubtle glance back at me,
When the class discussed
Eating disorders;
For every interaction
I've had with people
Where I have been reduced to a
Fragile, helpless
Concept of a human;
This is a hearty Fuck You.

I am a person.
I take up space,
I live and breathe,
I feel,
And I've come this far despite everything.

I.
Matter.
© O.M.A

#writco #writcoapp #poem #poetrycommunity #bodyimage #bodydysmorphia #reflection #personal

Note:
Thanks for reading. I just wanted to acknowledge that this poem is quite personal to me. I'm wary of coming across as ignorant to the very real and negative stigma that many people considered overweight by the general public face. I think all body shaming is absolutely unacceptable, and I acknowledge that my experiences as an underweight person were (unfortunately) seen as a 'positive trait' rather than the negative one that is so often used to spread messages of hate about other body types.

Maybe I'm babbling. I'm sorry if I am. Overall, I just wanted to communicate that this poem is very personal - being based on my own lived experiences - and is not me trying to speak over or for others with differing experiences. It fucking sucks to feel unworthy in your own skin.
Everyone deserves to feel like they matter.
Everyone deserves to take up as much or as little space as they please.