In the home I grew up in
my mama used to tell me all the time
money will never buy me happiness
But everything bought with money sho made me happy.

She ain't never bought me nothing like that
But she always found time to buy me what I needed
Damn what I wanted
What's the story of a black kid
A black girl

I couldn't scar my knees and I couldn't jump fences with the other boys
My nails had to be trimmed on a schedule
My hair fluffed
On Sunday I had to wear a dress
And it was never the one I wanted to wear
And in school I had to sit
pay attention because I won't be told twice

I didn't have the option to run.

Running around like the rest
Before the streetlights let on
I better had been inside
And the day I grow from this girl into a woman
My legs are now the thing I have to hide
When I was a kid my mama had told me,
Daddy used to say it too:
Children are meant to be seen and not heard.

But now that I am growing
I'm looked at by everyone.
Seems like I'm noticed by everything
Can't take a step
or move an inch
Without catching a whiff of my natural perfume.
Like I walked under a spotlight and it follows me so
The embarrassment that I feel from the swelling in my chest won't slow

Mama said it ain't for everyone to smell.
Like it ain't for everybody to touch
For no man to see
And for only God to know

I had to carry it like a secret.
Until it wasn't no more.

When the month came for me to start my path at being a woman all I saw was red
And that bitch wouldn't leave me alone.
She won't let me be
Heffa won't even let me sleep.
But mama said it's just war
A war imma always have to fight
so better get used to it;
Fighting I mean.

She say chile'
All my life I had to fight
But one day it will ease up like the rain of a storm just passing by.

So I carried it alone
Like a secret tucked in the palm
Until it was no more.

And like sunshine
Rainbows after,
My beauty began to glow
Blossom after each battle royale
And they saw it too.

Funny how the most unpopular time in a teen girl's life
Sits her on a pedestal
Displayed for all to see.
You could feel like the next model,
The attention gives you lust
And the beauty gets you glances
From the ones you thought mattered in the moment
As well as the ones who never did at all.
When I found the one I wanted
The one whose glances I waited for,
I told God I wanted to keep him.
He told me throw him back for the others to reach

But I wanted to keep him.

Had no idea he was keeping me.
No clue.
and it happened without fair warning.

that gold necklace he put around my neck
it was like a noose to cut my loose
it tried to choked me
Because by wearing it he owned me
And told me so by throwing the word
Love
around carelessly everytime he bought
A new stupid trinket...

And I remember my stunna shades
He gave it to me like a gift and he told me I was
When I wore them
But really they wore me
Protected me in some weird way.

Telling me money is no object to him
Wiping tears away from my eyes
Sayin' these shades are a way to shade my beauty from the Sun
But it was all a lie
It was all shade
He just wanted to cover up my two black eyes without a trace.
I carried them
Like a secret
Until they were no more

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