I have risen from my ashes, only to be doused. I've gotten up from my knees again, brushing myself off. The beatings that I suffered, left me scarred and in self doubt. I've wiped my tears alone, and strengthened my resolve. I've cried alone and wondered what's the meaning of it all. My dreams have taken shape forming bridges when I've failed, to cross the many barriers some of which I've scaled. I've learned so much about this life I know my will is strong. I've often wondered why so much of me was wronged. As far back as I remember I've seen so many things. I don't understand it all, the weight that wisdom brings. This knowledge wasn't learned until later in my life. I've often spent time pondering, how the hell did I survive? Very early I was told before that I was special see, the many joys that I could bring to others in their need. But no one told me afterwards that those around me changed. They sought not to nurture me but to torment me and shame. Not to teach me unconditional but to eagerly disdain. They weren't benevolent no more. They were Evil simply plain. They sought to use me entirely. To conjure and to train only for their rotten personal gain. They wanted me explicitly to harbor all their pain. I suffered at the hands of them. They scraped, they pushed, they pained, played such evil games, twisted things and leaving me in dismay. I thought they were to care for me. Instead they broke me down, taught me to be afraid you see. With nightmares I was cursed. I screamed and cried but from my mouth no sound I heard came out. They stole my things, and as a child following their lead I stole things and was punished as they played their games you see. They killed my pets blaming me. I wasn't there to "play". Their "sit down and do nothing" a "favorite" they'd say. If I uttered anything about their games, they would "break my fingers, or worse". So many hidden obstacles they made and were perverse. Tried to push me into a grade that was too soon for me, to shame. No one ever wanted to come over, or to play. Many times I ran away, even staying out all night. No one came to find me, there was no hope in sight. I left for good once still very much a child. I had my own two children trying to teach them all. They grew up and learned alright. But once again those people came and once again I was burned to ash, and have risen yet again. Now I've lived alone in life for many many years. A lovely little place and my Cat is here with me. I'm happy for these years I have. Having more now than ever and grateful I can see. My Peace of mind has returned once more, as much as it can for me. Unfortunately it pains me still, as I am very much alone...I want to mean much more to someone, and not always walk alone. I've learned through trial and error too many times been burned. So I am now a Phoenix rising always to the Sun. I'm stronger now than ever. No longer need to give it all and seek reciprocation. As Loving oneself is the hardest Love to learn, and you can never take vacation.

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