"Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is."

I'm often being asked "What's wrong?".
It's getting harder and harder to answer this question when nothing is right.

Sometimes it's better to stay silent than to explain what's going on in my mind and heart.

Sometimes my eyes start talking when my lips can't move.
The tears are showing all my pain and weaknesses, something that my lips could never explain.

Even in front of the people I trust the most my lips won't move.
I'm keeping all my problems, worries, troubles, pain and weaknesses on the inside, because I would rather have the pain destroy me than anyone else.

Everyday I'm waking up feeling like I lost something that's important to me and I have no clue where or when I last had it.
That feeling lasts until the night falls and I realize that what I lost is actually myself.

I'm tired of crying, so in order to stop my tears from falling I'm smiling throughout the day.
But smiling doesn't help, it only causes more pain.

Everyday my doubts are being confirmed.
It hurts to hear that I'm not good enough, even if I already knew the truth.

It makes me wonder, when will I ever be good enough?
Can I ever become good enough?

There are days when my heart and mind are overflowing by feelings and thoughts, while on other days I can't feel nor think about anything.

At night I'm often wondering, what is worse?
Drowning under the waves, or dying from thirst?

If someone asked me how I would describe depression I would say it's like living in a bidy that fights to live, but with a mind that tries to die.

When someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them that I'm tired.
Then they just tell me to get some rest and try to sleep.

Yes, I'm really tired, but it's not the kind of tiredness that sleep can cure.

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being let down. I'm tired of faking a smile. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being numb. I'm tired of fighting.
All I want is to give up, that's the only cure.

Every thought is a battle and each breath a war.
I'm completely losing myself in the fight, but will that really be enough to ensure victory?

I'm destroying myself little by little, but soon there will be nothing left to destroy.
When that moment comes I will have to destroy the one last thing that I have left: myself.

But I'm ready to lose the fight, so don't try to save me.
I want to lose.
No, I deserve it.

I'm just tired, so please let me go to sleep now.