I saw it when no one else was looking or dared to see, I saw it even when you we're scared to show me!
I saw it through the tears you caused in my eyes, I still tried to hold it when you deceived and swore that it was me telling lies.
I saw it then when no one knew it existed, into the dark I went to find it and find it I did after I persisted and still it would hurt me and resisted!
I see it now, even still as I carry a love for you and my heart, but fear for you in my dying soul and tortured mind,
The memories come flooding back and they are painful and unkind.
And yet I have still lived despite the suffering I'm still lost in and I still consider and miss the heart that no one believed in.
The light I saw who others tried to extinguish,
I braved the darkness to bring that light to its full glow and still feel all the superfluously, drowning, little left over, but growing anguish
I tried to show you mirrors to see the good light deep inside you that I saw,
But like a fly drawn to the light, you tried to trap me there and I got caught on every animalistic talon & claw.

You wore brands of loyalty and respect,
It was something that you yearned for yet you had not given unto me I hope you learned in your time to reflect.
I've been waiting, scared and shaking, mad and aching, my ones beautiful mind overheating and burning, no longer slowly baking!

I see you, but I don't know if you even saw me standing there,
Stopped in my tracks, petrified while the rest of the world remained unaware.
I'm trying to engage to remind you what I once said ...
Regarding the unconditional love I am still gathering the pieces so true and many catapulted everywhere, that unconditional part you couldn't get over or believe in because no one ever gave it all to you, taken from those who deserved it and earned it, but did you?
Have you learned to love more than yourself? Or is the question now that you finally can love because you learned how to love you first, or love yourself last? What do you define as love?
What do you think loyalty, truth, and respect are really composed of?
These labels that you wear upon your skin without a care, inscribed in your body by others who were bold and took what they needed because they found that situation and didn't want to be left bare.
Just because you don't put your face in front of mine anymore, you don't feel mine with colors so amazing as I lay there with you choking me on the floor.
You may no longer be looking down at me as you take my last breath,
I hope you spent my air well as my diminished lung capacity so often toes the line of death.
The stress you've caused in our tiny piece of shared time,
Makes my heart feel like it will explode and it's explosion will leave me muted because my veins can't handle that hardcore pumping blood rush that is a bursting load!
I want to engage, I want to see that light, I want to see if it is still there or if you are waiting to pounce or will return to finish some fight!
I dare you not to step foot inside my bubble ever again, but I do long for the passion only you could release unharnessed back then.
That fire deep inside of me for which you are responsible,
The flame that flickers and dances, but the darkness and the ashes that leaves behind are reprehensible...
The Clyde to my bonnie, and the Jekyll to my hide,
Where do you go now and in whom do you confide?
Is it god, your lord, or something else that was lost to you?
Does the way you terrorize my psyche, haunt my dreams and catch my eyes make you true?
Does the long-lasting impression of the way you hurt but the way you love..
Both with a passion so deep, very few walking this Earth will ever feel or even dream of!
Nobody could understand the way I could love the light and the passion deep inside your darkness and your closed hands,
Why do you hide from me now, I still see you and feel every grain of your left behind sensual, but so many times abrasive sands!
I do indeed carry your heart with me, a piece I wonder if you're missing?
And still the untamed fire you started in me, this passion you reignited wonders who you might be kissing?
You only knew one way then how to show love, and so many ways to spread and unmeasurable hate, and now I'm curious, when the night falls do you think about me? Do I ever keep you up so late?
Am I the only one who loses sleep from the violence and the fear I also carry, the paranoid and terrifying intimidations that still lurk at every corner of my skull,
You know the one that broke you, just a piece of you and yet seemed to take every sparkle and joy of mine to a zero or a null...
Like I didn't exist, like I didn't matter and nothing I ever had or would have or loved or would love again could be heard above the unwashed walls of mine which still hold the blood splatter! No one gets why I leave the walls painted with your monstrous ways because I still have the passionate, oily handprints that have soaked through the last bedroom on the right, the passion we experienced as days begun and night falls....
They didn't understand then, and the fear I fear will never be felt and yet why would I want to share such an evil and invasive Vine,
I still carry your heart with me and see your face, but I wonder if you carry either of mine? Have you blocked me out the way I once tried, do you avoid me the way I run, and we both hide?
Because I love like that filled with passion and rage is volatile, but it's bittersweetness is what every person yearns for at some age!
I can't explain to anyone with ears or anyone that would listen,
And it's none of their damn business why my walls have oily handprints that only in a special blue light do magically glisten.
They didn't feel the passion, they didn't feel the rage,
When I said I unconditionally would love you forever maybe it was meant for another life or maybe just another year or chapter, have we turn the page?
The good and the bad, the passion and all the sad...
They will always be a part of the story which includes both of us in this life that together not so opposing could have had!
Some days I cuss your name under my breath, in my heart all through my mind and damn sure out loud,
I hope you don't cuss my name and feel that your escape should make you proud...
So an animal that out of a cage... I still tremble and yet hope... Did you learn anything about respect, unconditional love or any new feelings besides rage?
I stood too close and saw you standing there,
I still don't know if you saw me and I have no idea what's going through your heart and mind or if you are even aware!
I didn't underestimate the evil that was inside, I hope you left that s*** behind because you only thought you got off of this ride...
This roller coaster has been twisting and turning, sitting here building, breaking and rebuilding from Little cigarette burning....
In my chest and in my eye,
Do you fear death or just freedom because you made me scared to die!
And now I live in a pain that rocks me to the core; shakes my soul with demonic fervor and, yet my inner flaming passion whisper yells for me to fill myself up with just a little bit more! Like an addiction, do I leave it, this poison that I love so deeply but in an instant would leave me dead upon the floor?
What would you do? What have you done?
I thought you were the devil, and yet many days I wonder, what if he was the one?