Can’t be vulnerable with people
Can’t make myself change
Tired of getting hurt
Why am I always the one to blame?
2 much internal pain
Repetition compounds in my brain
Telling myself the same words
“I’ve got to go to school”
“I’m not a bad person”
“I got to move on”
My past always haunting me
Like a old school song
Repeating insecurities
Crawling down my spine
I want a new body
A different personality
A whole new life
Tired of constantly feeling insecure
I’m always overwhelmed, to immature
Stuck trying to fix an image that is broken
Stuck repeating the same mistakes and I’m still not learnin
I’m bored of my shitty poetry
I’m exhausted for fighting everyday to get others to accept me but truthfully no one seems to actually like me
Let me go hide in my self
Going back into my dense shell
Why am I always the one fucking up
Ruining relationships
Hurting others unintentionally
Feeling lost, hurt by the others that i choose to care for
Can’t call you my brother, not my friend
A sneaky suspicion that im not good at making amends
Too vulnerable, it repeatedly gets me caught up
Feeling like the bad guy, I’m feeling so stuck
Fuck over my image, look into my past
The emotions seem to always overtake me
They always last
I feel like I’m stuck on a loop
Why do I always fuck up everything
Is this all my fault?
My past catches up to me
At its own pace, especially when I’m alone
Tired of trying to win some imaginary mind game
I’m stupid, I’m vain, I’m indecisive
Looking around at all my sinful visces
I’m starting to close down
Shutting off
No one can reach me if I don't show my emotions off
Feeling silly, feeling used
I’m such an idiot who’s playing the fool
I just wanna be loved
I just want friendships and kindness
How stupid of me?
What’s wrong with me?
I want to go home, run away so no one can hurt me anymore
I’m done exploring
Let me lay down.
Rest my weary thoughts on my pillow case
I feel so disheartened for speaking my truth
I feel like I should of stayed closed off
So I got nothing to lose now
I’m tired of repeatedly getting hurt
Being turned into the villan
In every single situation
Like I’m the one to always blame
I want to say fuck you all, but I would be called insane
I try and I try
I yell and I scream
Poor little old me
I want to sleep for a few years
Recollect these watery tears
My image is already ruined
My pride tainted
Seems like I’m on the wrong side of all the blaming
I want to run away
Worn out by these intrusive thoughts
I want to escape from this bed I make for myself every morning
No matter the cost
Whatever drug I have to take
Whatever sex I can pleasure myself in
Friendships are a fools joke
Love is some stupid idea made up to day dream
To make me believe in a fantasy that’s just not true
Feels like I’m always struggling to come up for air
Just let me fall into my careless desires
I’ll risk it all for a high, for a brief sense of relief
I’m so worn out from standing on my own 2 feet
I’ll beg for someone to please come save me
I write stupid poems
And I do dumb ass yoga
And I pray to the moon
I keep trying to change and change and switch myself to fit this new narrative I am creating for myself
But in reality,
It’s all bullshit I make up so I keep myself distracted constantly so I don’t kill myself
I always question if I’m the bad guy
I always question if what I’m doing is actually right
Why should I give a fuck now?
Always feeling like some fucking 2 faced clown
Watching my thoughts go around and around
I hope they all don’t hate me
Can’t get one single fucking thing right these days
Seems all I want to do is day dream
Run away
Escape from myself, from it all
Watch me fall down
And die from this lonely, internal pain
I seem to have no one else to blame
But myself



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