My mind is not my own anymore.
My feelings are controlled by someone else.
My desires centered around their needs.
Every choice I make is based on the impact it would have on our relationship
And how they would see me.

I feel numb without their touch,
Deaf without their words
And blind without their insight.
It's a strange feeling when you become attached to a person.
You seem to become entirely dependant on them.

You feel good when they give you attention.
You feel special when they grab your hand
And tell you they love you.
Your day is brighter with them by your side.

Those long hugs and warm cuddles calm your nerves
And ease your heart ache,
And in those moments time seems to stop for you,
Letting you enjoy every second you are awarded with them.

Then they leave.
The hug ends.
The "I love u" stops.
There you are left standing,
No clear path in sight.

You don't know what to feel.
You don't know what to think or how to speak.
Your vision blurs from the tears
And the sounds of the world become muffled noises in the distance.

The world feels shallow,
Plagued with grayish hues.
Where do you go once they leave,
How do you live without their presence?

Numbness washes over you,
Wave upon wave of pain beats against your chest.
You struggle to breathe
As your throat closes
And your mind swarms with the terrible voices
Echoing panicked thought after panicked thought.

Their hand wraps around yours.
Their head rests upon your shoulder,
And suddenly the world shapes itself again.
Your fears were all for show,
For they will always be there just in time.

And when they leave
The cycle starts once more.
Doomed to depend on the people you love forever.
© J.D.L