I loved you forever even before we met,
There is not one thing that I regret.
Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same,
But I know to wonder would all be in vain.
You have always shown me so much love,
I know you were sent from above.
My heart knows it and understands,
My brain only comprehends when we are holding hands.
It's not you it's me,
I never told you but I have PTSD.
I have been beaten, broken, and raped.
Unfortunately some of it has been taped.
You have never questioned or wondered why,
You just continued to be by my side.
Comforting me and keeping me safe,
Till one day all the pain is erased.
You came into my life at exactly the right time,
You completely changed my mind.
So many times I wanted to end my pain,
I just couldn't let go of the blame.
I felt as though I was trash and didn't deserve to live,
Now I am happy to say I have love to give.
For so long I couldn't even love myself
I knew if I couldn't love me how could anyone else.
I worked hard to keep myself here,
But still I live in fear.
Fear that maybe my secret will drive you away,
I know that is a lie, you will stay.
I just can't get my brain to know,
That the anxiety and self blame needs to go.
One day I hope that I can heal completely,
I just know it will help me feel more deeply.
I still don't know if that is good or bad,
Just that it still makes me mad.
I wish I could just let go,
And learn to just let it flow.
Without the sorrow and pain,
Would I even appreciate when it doesnt rain?



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