By:Sanele S Ntuli

It's controls all...
Imagination
Thoughts
Actions
Words..
Trying to scream
It feels like no one hears me...
Trying to run away from all this
It feels like I'm in a prison
But I'm holding the keys...

Asking for help
It's call it weakness...
Then my thoughts says
I'm weak if asking for help...
Anger is not an issue and not wrong...
Trauma with beautiful lies...
Feels like I'm perfect ...
See my wrongs as my rights...
I mean who to judge
I belong alone...

It's there
When i feel hopeless
When i feel helpless...
It's grab my hand when I'm drowning..
It's holds me proudly and stays around me...
I get peace but it steals it
Watching it laughing all my secrets..
Trying to talk about my life
But i feel speechless...
Lied and promised me my freedom...

It's says God doesn't hear me
God doesn't exist...
It's asked If God exist why i only see demons?
It's says nothing is real in this world
Reality is when you're alone...
The real me is who I'm
When nobody's watching...
It told me to trust no one
Coz even Satan was an angel once
And if you rearrange the word Satan
It gives you Santa...While i see Santa in a good side...

It convinced me that
If forgiveness is something i need to do
Why Satan isn't forgotten for his sins..
If love does exist why there's always pains...
What's a point of fearing death if I'll die anytime..
I always pray for longer live but i know the fact
That one day I'm gonna die...
Will that mean that God abonded me...
I'm stuck in the prison cell into myself
But I'm holding the keys...

Why can't set myself free...???


_Sanele S Ntuli
© A dying Poet