I don't remember how the conversation
grew into a fight
I can't remember
all I know
is how you treated me in my reaction to your words
we were sitting
I told you why I was mad at you
what had happened that made me upset
but you ignored my feelings
acted as if I shouldn't be feeling them
out of frustration I bowed my head
and slightly kicked the bottom of my chair
like a person tapping there fingers on a table
so I wouldn't get mad
at your severe lack of empathy
towards how I was feeling
you then proceeded to tell me
that I was throwing a tantrum
that I was acting like a child
after that I lost it in my own mind
all the words frozen in my head
unable to come out so you could hear
but deafeningly loud in my ears
those words began solidifying
the part of me that told me
this is why you don't tell people how you feel
why you don't open up when a person is doing something you don't like
because it falls on deaf ears that don't understand
it falls on ears that tell you your emotions are not true
I worked so hard to get out of the state of
saying I don't care when in actuality I care a lot
I was so close
you helped me get out of that hole
but then you were also the one who opened the door to the locked cellar
and began digging again
bringing me back to the pit
that now I have to dig my self out of
because I no longer know if I can trust you with my heart
and all the things and stories that keeps it beating
© Caitlin