If I let you in, you would drown.
The darkness of my soul would destroy you. My pain I desire to share, yet I have no faith you can hold it.

How can I trust you with these feelings, when I can't trust them myself?
How can you sort them out for me,
if I can't provide you the map?
How much is fear preventing my escape?

Am I lonely due to the outwardness or due to some inner dysfunction?
Who can help? Why would they help?
How would they help?

Maybe it is all a blanket I wrap myself in,
because making an effort might destroy me. What if I enjoy the loneliness because of the excuse it provides me?

What if it's all an illusion to drive myself crazy? Will I ever know? Will I ever be right? Will I die in the darkness? Will I step into the light?


© Elizabeth Fields